Heading into my second maternity leave, I thought I had it all figured out.
Instead, I found myself navigating a completely different experience and ultimately developed a whole new playbook.
Friends warned me that having a second baby would be harder, lonelier, and more demanding—and they were right.
Reflecting on this experience, I realize just how challenging it has been compared to my first.
Here’s what I did differently the second time around.
1. Set up healthy habits early.
After experiencing postpartum depression (PPD) for the second time, I knew prioritizing my mental health was crucial.
With my partner's help, I created a schedule incorporating exercise, writing, and quality moments with my family.
We started this routine while I was still on leave, so it became second nature by the time I returned to work.
Incorporating these habits into my daily life helped maintain my mental well-being and provided a sense of stability amid the chaos.
2. Invest in myself.
During my first maternity leave, I focused primarily on learning about parenting.
This time, I invested in my personal growth.
Highlights included up-leveling my writing with the UNIGNORABLE Challenge, exploring AI tricks with an Intro to ChatGPT course, and getting inspired at the virtual Women in Product conference.
These activities not only enriched my professional skills but also reminded me of my identity outside of motherhood.
3. Prioritize my partnership.
Having a second baby forced us to overhaul our family logistics.
Initially, we created what we call the "Great Accounting System" to better share the load and keep track of everything.
As life got busier with two, my partner and I also made a point to appreciate each other more.
We also committed to monthly date nights for dedicated “us” time, away from the demands of parenting.
Prioritizing our partnership strengthened our bond and reminded us of the importance of nurturing our relationship amid the hustle of family life.
4. Expand my community of moms.
As a new mom, I felt lonely but was skeptical about joining "mom groups."
After baby #2, I joined a local Second Time Mom’s group, and it was game-changing.
This community provided a safe space where I felt truly understood.
The shared experiences and mutual support were invaluable.
I found comfort in knowing I wasn’t alone in my struggles and triumphs.
This network of women became a crucial support system, offering advice, empathy, and the occasional much-needed laugh.
5. Truly take a break.
Last time, I went back to work early, eager to prove myself.
This time, I realized I needed to recharge before diving back into the work grind.
I arranged for childcare to overlap with my leave, giving myself genuine time off.
While I recognize the financial privilege of doing this, it made a world of difference to my mental health.
Having uninterrupted time to rest and recover allowed me to return to work with renewed energy and focus.
I felt more prepared to balance my professional responsibilities with my personal life.
A New Perspective
Returning to work, I'm grateful for approaching my second mat leave differently.
With my first leave, I prioritized setting up routines and support systems to ensure a smooth return to work.
This time, I focused on setting up a solid foundation for my mental well-being so I could return to work as a more present and patient person.
These lessons have not only helped me navigate the complexities of motherhood but have also made me more resilient and intentional in my approach to both family and career.
To all the moms heading into their first (or second, or third) maternity leave, I hope these insights offer some encouragement.
Remember, taking care of yourself is not just beneficial for you—it positively impacts your whole family.
Embrace the journey, prioritize your well-being, and know that it's okay to seek help and support along the way.
You've got this!
Namaste,
Tamara