What to do when the job no longer fits
A guide to evaluating what’s next in your career after becoming a mom
Returning to work after maternity leave, an uncomfortable question often creeps in that’s hard to ignore:
Should I stay or should I go?
Maybe it comes up after daycare drop-off, when your baby is screaming "mama" as you walk away. Or during that weekly team meeting, when you catch yourself wondering: is this really how I want to spend the next few years?
For many high-achieving women, having a baby changes everything, including how you feel about your job. Time away on leave gives you perspective, and becoming a parent forces you to re-evaluate your priorities.
Sometimes there’s a desire to pull back for a while. But more often than not, there’s more certainty than ever that you still want to work. And in that case, it's natural to ask: is this job still right for me?
If you're a new mom wondering if it’s time for a career change, you're not alone.
The reality is, it's not just about liking your job anymore.
After becoming a mom, you're navigating a massive identity shift. You're figuring out who you are now, what matters most, and how to make it all work. Of course you're questioning everything, including your "why."
The bar for a job that feels worth it often gets higher. Leaving your baby every day has to mean something. And while that might feel intimidating, I actually think it's a good thing.
It means you're no longer operating on autopilot. You're paying attention and getting clearer on what you really want.
Some women decide to take time away from work after becoming a mom, and that's a valid choice.
But what we don’t talk about enough is how motherhood can awaken a desire to go bigger, not smaller. Maybe having a baby makes you realize you’re ready for a new challenge. But because that doesn’t fit the narrative we’ve been handed, it feels inconvenient, or even a little uncomfortable, so we bury it.
I’ve been in that place, wondering if it was time to move on.
I was at Pinterest for almost nine years and had an incredible career there, so I get the appeal of staying put.
But here’s what people didn’t see: every 12 to 18 months, I re-evaluated whether the job was still right for me. I interviewed externally several times, not because I was ready to leave, but because it gave me perspective.
Sometimes it reminded me I was in a good spot. Other times, it gave me the clarity and confidence to ask for more (that’s how I ended up getting promoted twice after having my first daughter). Either way, it was always worth doing a market check on my value.
So if you’re wrestling with the “what’s next” question after having a baby, here’s how to think it through.
Step 1: Get honest about why you want to stay
Before anything else, get clear on your reasons for staying. Are they coming from a place of growth and alignment, or are they rooted in fear and inertia?
The “safe” reasons to stay:
The money is good and you need the stability (fair, but could you earn even more?)
You like the flexibility: remote work, understanding manager (important, but is that enough?)
You don’t want a longer commute or more travel (understandable, but would you make the trade for something more fulfilling?)
You're thinking about having another baby soon (okay, but fertility timelines don’t always go as planned)
The practical reasons:
Job searching takes time you don't have, especially now that you’re a parent (spoiler alert - you make time for what you prioritize)
You don’t know how to evaluate family-friendly companies without hurting your chances (check out this post for tips)
The job market feels rough and there’s “nothing out there” (false, plenty of companies are hiring - I get pinged all the time and I’m not even looking)
The fear-based reasons:
Staying feels comfortable and you don't want to rock the boat (choose discomfort!!)
Starting over feels overwhelming when everything else in your life already feels chaotic (then maybe it’s a question of timing)
You feel guilty about leaving so soon after taking maternity leave (you don’t need to)
You're worried about rebuilding your reputation from scratch (you’ve done it before, you can do it again)
Imposter syndrome is telling you that you're not qualified for anything better (that’s definitely fear talking, believe in yourself)
There's no shame in any of these reasons, but it's important to know which category you're operating from. If your reasons are mostly fear-based, that's information worth paying attention to.
Step 2: Acknowledge the signs it might be time to go
Sometimes, you know deep down that staying isn't serving you.
Here are the signs that it might be time for a change:
You're no longer challenged (or worse, bored)
It feels like you're solving the same problems over and over
The job feels overwhelming and you're burned out
You don't trust your manager or the leadership team
The company's trajectory isn't encouraging (would you buy the stock?)
You feel underpaid or undervalued
The growth opportunities you were promised haven't materialized
You dread Monday mornings more often than not
If you're nodding along to more than a few of these, your gut is probably onto something.
The longer you ignore that voice, the louder it gets. It might even start negatively impacting your performance or your mental health, including how you show up at home.
Living in a state of indecision is exhausting. So listen to your intuition and give yourself permission to explore the possibilities.
Step 3: Get clear on what you're optimizing for
If you're ready to explore other options, start by getting radically honest about what matters most in this season of your life.
Write down everything you care about, then stack-rank it ruthlessly. What are the three most important things right now?
Consider (in no particular order):
Company stage (startup vs. big tech)
Growth and learning opportunities
Manager, your peers and team culture
Compensation and long-term earning potential
Industry and company mission
Location and commute
Flexibility and remote work options
You probably won't be able to optimize for everything, and that's okay. But knowing what matters most will make this decision easier.
Think of it as designing your next job around the next 12 to 18 months, not forever.
Step 4: Be realistic about your constraints
Now, get honest about your constraints. What do you and your family actually need right now?
Things like:
What's your financial floor or immediate liquidity needs? (consider childcare costs, student loans, or a mortgage)
What’s your willingness/ability to relocate for the right role?
How much flexibility do you really need for childcare logistics?
How much travel or late nights can you realistically handle?
This isn't about limiting yourself. It's about being strategic so you don't waste time pursuing opportunities that won't actually work for your life right now.
That said, some "constraints" are actually self-protective assumptions.
Ask yourself: What would it look like to stretch here? What sacrifices would I make for a truly aligned opportunity?
Step 5: Start exploring (even if you're not ready to leave)
Once you know your criteria, it's time to test the waters.
Make a list of companies you admire (aim for 20+). Browse funding announcements, check out this list of Rocket Ship startups, look at apps you frequently use, ask yourself where people you respect have gone.
Reach out to your network. Start with former colleagues, college alumni, old friends and remember, you're not asking for a job, you're gathering intel. Ask about company trajectory, team dynamics, growth opportunities.
Consider working with a career coach. Having a sounding board and someone to challenge your assumptions can help as you work through this process (I do this work with my coaching clients).
If you're burned out, consider whether you need time off between roles. It's hard to get excited about new opportunities when you're running on empty.
If the process feels overwhelming while working full-time, take one small step each week. Update your LinkedIn profile. Reach out to a former manager. Schedule one coffee chat.
The goal isn't to have all the answers right away. It's to start getting clarity on what's actually out there and how it compares to where you are now. Sometimes just knowing you have options can shift how you feel about your current situation.
Step 6: Trust your instincts
If you're feeling restless, you probably already know the answer: it’s time for a change.
Maybe you need to stay for now, but with a plan to explore other options in six months (if so, start building relationships now to get on people’s radar early). Maybe you need to have an honest conversation with your manager about what would make your current role more sustainable or more challenging. Or maybe you need to start actively looking for something new.
Whatever it is, trust yourself.
Becoming a mom doesn't mean you have to accept less than what you deserve in your career. It means you need to be more deliberate about the choices you make.
What I wish I knew
When I was a new mom, I wish someone had told me that it's completely normal to question your job after having a baby. In fact, it's healthy.
The version of you that existed before becoming a mom had different priorities and constraints. It makes sense that the job that worked before might not work for you now.
And it’s okay to raise the bar, to feel fired up about your career, or to want something bigger.
So give yourself permission to get curious about what you really want. And remember that exploring your options doesn't mean you're ungrateful or disloyal. It means you're being intentional.
You deserve a career that supports who you are now, and challenges you to keep growing. And your family deserves a mom who feels fulfilled, aligned, and empowered in her choices.
Don’t just ask if you should stay or go. Ask if you're ready to rise.
Namaste,
Tamara
PS - If this post resonated with you, you can also support me by liking, commenting, or re-stacking this post on Substack, or sending it to a friend. Writing guides like this takes time, but hearing from moms who are navigating these same questions makes it all worthwhile.
If you’re thinking through what’s next, hit reply and let me know what's on your mind. Thanks for being part of this community!
Appreciate this thoughtful and practical post! Many of the points resonate with me, and can vouch that talking to my network and working with career coach has been helpful in untangling my messy thoughts. And also reading memoirs and non-fiction in areas i'm interested in - that has been an activity where i've gotten inspiration and clarity!
Such a thoughtful method for (re)evaluation, thank you! I definitely had those feelings after each of my kids, but the most visceral feeling of my motherhood was leaving them at day care that first time. I'm going to go cry, but then off to work! :)