“Am I building something meaningful… or just chasing more ego candy?”
That’s the question that’s been echoing in my head lately.
For the first time in years, I’ve had space to pause and actually listen, to get honest about what’s driving me, and what I want from this next chapter.
And what surprised me wasn’t that I still feel ambitious. It’s how much bigger, more meaningful, and more personal it feels now.
I want to create something new. Something of my own. I feel called to build a business. Write a book. Start a movement.
To advocate for change. To help create a world that feels more supportive, more whole - for my daughters, and for all of us.
And if I’m being honest, it feels too ambitious. Too risky. Too bold.
And the thing is… it terrifies me.
Because I don’t know if this pull is about real impact, or if it’s just another shiny milestone dressed up in purpose.
I wonder: am I truly being called forward, or am I still chasing the high of being seen as impressive?
Ego candy. That’s what William Bridges calls it in Transitions. The stuff that looks good on paper: titles, promotions, awards.
Not inherently bad things, but often distractions from what really matters: our health, our presence, our peace.
And the sneaky part? Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re hooked until the sugar crash hits.
Looking back, I can see how much of my life has been shaped by ego candy.
I got my first real job at 16 as a summer camp counselor at the YMCA. I still remember how proud I was when they told me I was the youngest person they’d ever hired. That moment lit a spark.
After that, the goal was always the next “first,” the next win, the next marker of success. Getting into a “good” college. Finding a Wall Street internship. Being accepted into the Harvard Business School. Climbing the ladder at Pinterest (a unicorn!) until I reached Director of Product.
And yes, those milestones mattered. They gave me security, opened doors, helped me build a life I’m proud of.
But somewhere along the way, achievement became my compass. The only way I knew how to measure if I was still "worth it."
It wasn’t just about progress. It was about proving. And the proof was never enough.
I know exactly where that drive came from.
I was raised in a culture shaped by Soviet influence, where survival depended on doing what was practical. Failure wasn’t an option. Personal dreams weren’t something you chased, they were luxuries.
My parents immigrated to America from Ukraine and started over with nothing. They worked hard, built a life through grit and sacrifice, and instilled in me a deep respect for stability, responsibility, and doing what it takes to provide.
Even though they always encouraged me to aim high, I absorbed a deeper message: You can’t afford to take risks. People depend on you (and kids are expensive!). Don’t screw this up.
So of course this next chapter feels terrifying. Of course it feels unfamiliar. My nervous system is doing exactly what it was designed to do - keep me safe.
But what kept me safe back then isn’t what will help me grow now.
I don’t want to build a life, or a legacy, fueled by ego candy. Because legacy isn’t what you achieve. It’s what you model.
Choosing this path means unlearning outdated definitions of success. It means rewriting the story I inherited and being intentional about the one I pass on.
My daughters are watching. And what I want them to know about worth, ambition, and what makes a life well-lived has nothing to do with titles or trophies.
The metrics that once defined me - being the first, the best, the most “impressive” - were never really about impact. They were about external validation. Proving I was enough.
This next chapter is about internal validation. Trusting myself. Creating from alignment, not approval. Staying rooted in my values, even when no one else is watching. Believing I’m enough.
I still feel the pull of ego candy. I probably always will. But I no longer need it to steer.
This time, I’m building something real. And that’s enough.
Namaste,
Tamara
I feel like you just wrote about my inner thoughts and feelings.
But what do we focus on if it’s not ego candy? And how can we feel fulfilled about it?
You have put words to something so many of us struggle against - outdated ideals and definitions. They are all someone else's and are so very hard to release. Harder still is creating a new definition under the pressure of culture, society, family, etc. Love how you are stepping out into the light in this season of your life. Thanks for another great read.