Should we have another baby?
A very personal breakdown of going for baby #2
So much of Half Moon Hustle is about the decisions that quietly shape the rest of our lives.
Today’s topic, deciding whether to have another child, is one of those choices.
A quick note before we dive in: if you’re navigating fertility challenges right now, this post touches on pregnancy and growing your family. Please take care and skip it if that feels better today.
If you're a parent with one child, chances are at some point you've asked yourself: Should we have another?
It's one of those questions that sneaks up on you. Maybe it comes up when your first finally starts sleeping through the night. Or when you find yourself scrolling baby pictures, missing the newborn days you swore you hated at the time.
When my first daughter turned one, I was right there too, wondering: How will this change our lives? My career? My energy?
It’s a big decision, and there’s no “right” answer. I wanted to share how I thought about the decision to have a second child and what I wish I’d known.
Before I dive in, let me be clear: one child can be more than enough, whether by choice or circumstance. I’m not here to convince anyone to grow their family. I’m sharing how we approached the decision, hoping it helps you find clarity on your own terms.
And of course, it’s important to name the privilege in even having this choice. In the U.S., with no universal paid leave, rising childcare costs, unequal pay for moms, and a shaky economy, a lot of families feel like they don’t have options.
At its core, this question is really about two things:
Deciding if you want another.
Figuring out when, knowing you won’t have full control over that part.
Part 1: Deciding if
I grew up as an only child and always wanted at least two kids. I was really close with my parents, but I spent a lot of time wishing I had a sibling (vacations were extra lonely, but so were weekends, evenings, etc). And now, as an adult, I realize that caring for aging parents will fall squarely on me.
My husband, one of three, also leaned toward a bigger family. So for us, having more than one child was always a “when,” not an “if.” I loved the idea of our kids having each other for support and play.
Still, I knew adding a second would change everything. Life gets more complicated with two, and for many families, one just feels like the right balance.
Here are a few things we considered:
It’s expensive. Even if you reuse clothes and gear, the big costs add up fast: childcare, food, activities. You might need a bigger home, a different car, or more help. You can model this out (we did!) but of course it really depends on your family situation, cost of living in your area, and your desired lifestyle.
It’s logistically harder. Especially in the first year, there’s very little downtime. Most days, no one gets a break. In our case, my husband typically took the toddler while I nursed the baby - then we’d switch. It took about a year until one parent could take both kids for extended periods, which freed up some personal time again.
A friend described it this way: with your first, you lose 80% of your free time. With your second, you lose 80% of your remaining 20% of your free time - that leaves very little for yourself, your partner, your friends, your hobbies…
Even as they get older, the daily grind can still feel relentless - it takes twice as long to leave the house, get ready for bedtime, etc. And finding a sitter or family member willing to take two kids instead of one can be a challenge (so getting away for a date night or a weekend getaway is tough).
It *might* impact your career. The reality is that for birthing parents, carrying, delivering and nursing a child requires time and energy away from work. For me, pregnancy with a toddler definitely slowed me down temporarily. Nine months of nausea while chasing a tiny human who couldn’t yet reason with me meant I wasn’t exactly operating at full capacity. I had to get really good at setting boundaries and prioritizing only what really had to get done so I could rest as needed along the way.
Plus, another maternity leave meant temporarily losing momentum. For some, that might mean missing or delaying a promotion or raise. I’ve always approached my career with the long game in mind, so this didn’t weigh as heavily for me (in fact, I got promoted twice between baby 1 and 2.) But it’s something to think through carefully.
For me, the trade-offs felt worth it. But if you’re unsure, take time to reflect on what matters most. Your vision for your life doesn’t need to match anyone else’s.
If you’re curious about what the data says, the research here is mixed. Some studies suggest that mothers with one child report higher happiness levels than those with more. The increased time pressure with two kids explains much of the drop in well-being.
But these are averages - every family is different. What matters is what feels right for yours.
Part 2: Timing
Even if you know you want another, the timing is a different piece of the puzzle. You can plan, but not everything is in your control.
Here’s what I thought about:
Maternal health: Doctors often recommend waiting 18 months postpartum before getting pregnant again so your body has time to recover. But this varies based on your body, so talk to your doctor.
By the time my daughter turned one, I’d weaned off nursing, my energy was back, and I finally felt like myself again. In some ways, it felt too soon to dive back in. But I was ready to start trying, so we did.
Your body’s readiness matters, but so do your mental health and energy levels.
How long it might take: Fertility is unpredictable. Even with IVF, nothing is guaranteed.
With our first, it took longer than expected and uncovered some unexpected health challenges for me (getting diagnosed with an autoimmune disease and PCOS). So we started trying for our second early, assuming it would take time. To our surprise, it happened quickly.
Many friends have faced secondary infertility (which affects around 11% of families) or miscarriage. And as we get older, the risks increase (yes, “geriatric pregnancy” is an actual thing). It’s hard to sit with, but important to acknowledge.
Desired age gap: We wanted a smaller gap so the kids could grow up close (shared activities, overlapping schools, etc) and we could power through the chaotic early years without hitting reset too far down the road.
Our daughters are 23 months apart. The early days were intense, but watching them grow together has been one of the most rewarding parts of motherhood. Knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t change a thing.
That said, larger gaps have perks too. Older siblings tend to be more independent, helpful, and less prone to jealousy. Many parents say a gap of 3 to 4 years feels easier emotionally and logistically (the “no two babies at a time” strategy).
There’s no perfect age gap, just what works best for your family.
What life with two actually looks like
Beyond the timing considerations, it's worth understanding what you're actually signing up for.
The first year of my second daughter’s life was the hardest - for me, for our marriage, and for our family.
The newborn phase was particularly intense: sleepless nights, toddler tantrums, and trying to meet both kids’ needs without falling apart. I experienced postpartum depression the second time, even though we had support at night.
Even after those early days, it takes a while to adjust to life with two kids. There’s a reason they say the shift from one kid to two isn’t just double the work, it’s exponential.
Yes, some things are more familiar the second time around. You already know how to change a diaper, burp the baby, suck snot out of their nose. But every child is different - for example, our second had reflux, which we didn’t know how to handle. And having two kids at the same time is a new experience entirely, even if you've done the baby thing before (they start fighting, pulling each other’s hair, etc). There are more frequent illnesses and they seem to last longer, which takes a toll on everyone.
Over time, it has gotten easier. Not easy, but less hard. Now that our youngest is nearly two, the girls can play with each other, have shared interests, soon they’ll be in the same preschool (one dropoff!). We’re finding more balance as a family.
The unexpected upside
But here’s what I didn’t expect: it’s also double the joy.
Double the giggles echoing through the house. Double the bedtime snuggles and silly dance parties in the kitchen.
Watching their bond grow has been one of the most beautiful parts of parenting so far. My older daughter teaches the younger one new words, shares her snacks, and holds her hand when she's scared. My younger daughter lights up when her big sister comes home from school and tries to copy everything she does.
They comfort each other when one gets hurt. They dissolve into fits of laughter over the silliest things. They love wearing matching clothes and taking baths together and sharing a room.
And selfishly, I love watching my own capacity for love expand. I worried I couldn't love another child as much as my first, but it turns out your heart just grows. The cliche is true - your love doesn't get divided, it multiplies.
Yes, some days are still chaos. But other days, I catch them playing together quietly and think: this is exactly what I hoped for when we decided to try for another.
Questions to consider
If you're grappling with the decision to grow your family, here are a few questions to sit with:
Are you craving another child for yourself, for your current child, or both?
How do you imagine life with two kids? What excites you? What scares you?
How might another child impact your career, finances, and mental health?
What timing feels right, or realistic, for your family?
Does your family feel complete?
There’s no formula for this. It’s a deeply personal choice that takes honest conversations, reflection, and careful planning.
Whatever you decide, trust that it’s the right choice - because only you know what your family, your body, and your life need most.
Namaste,
Tamara
PS - How did you know your family was complete? Whether you chose “one and done”, went for two, or kept going, I'd love to hear how you thought through the decision in the comments!
Thank you! I needed to read this today <3
I agree with all your points and I still remember my friends when they had two kids under 2. They shared how their capacity had grown. They had grown and expanded and shifted.
Sometimes I feel we think so linearly about if children are wanted and the constraints that we forget creativity and growth requires constraints… that we forget they come with their own additions and talents to help the world.