I agree with all your points and I still remember my friends when they had two kids under 2. They shared how their capacity had grown. They had grown and expanded and shifted.
Sometimes I feel we think so linearly about if children are wanted and the constraints that we forget creativity and growth requires constraints… that we forget they come with their own additions and talents to help the world.
We’re trying to figure out our answers to these questions. My husband focuses on the cost/money questions and I’m more questioning our capacity for managing two kids. It’s very hard to feel the what ifs of both scenarios (what if we’re one and done or what if we have two and we regret it!)
For what it's worth, I haven't met many people who regret having another... that said, those are probably the people who DECIDE and then just go for it (so they're less likely to regret it).
As someone who works in senior living, I often hear an argument made about how "having kids ensures someone will care for you as you age." I've not found that this holds true in real life: often it's only one child that does the caregiving and often that's the oldest daughter. I've even seen families with five kids but none of them got along and so nobody cared for an aging parent.
Really appreciated how you outlined the decision making process. I always knew I wanted two kids but IVF, pregnancy and postpartum were so challenging for me, I kept pushing off the conversation about a second baby. We are now four months into two kids with a five year age gap. Your friend hit the free time thing so spot on - 80% and 80% of 20% feels so real!
Much harder for me was the decision to have a third as a corporate executive. Thanks for sharing your perspective, I think the more we talk about this as women the better.
Thank you! I needed to read this today <3
I agree with all your points and I still remember my friends when they had two kids under 2. They shared how their capacity had grown. They had grown and expanded and shifted.
Sometimes I feel we think so linearly about if children are wanted and the constraints that we forget creativity and growth requires constraints… that we forget they come with their own additions and talents to help the world.
We’re trying to figure out our answers to these questions. My husband focuses on the cost/money questions and I’m more questioning our capacity for managing two kids. It’s very hard to feel the what ifs of both scenarios (what if we’re one and done or what if we have two and we regret it!)
Thank you for sharing.
For what it's worth, I haven't met many people who regret having another... that said, those are probably the people who DECIDE and then just go for it (so they're less likely to regret it).
As someone who works in senior living, I often hear an argument made about how "having kids ensures someone will care for you as you age." I've not found that this holds true in real life: often it's only one child that does the caregiving and often that's the oldest daughter. I've even seen families with five kids but none of them got along and so nobody cared for an aging parent.
That’s a helpful reminder - and a sad reality!
Really appreciated how you outlined the decision making process. I always knew I wanted two kids but IVF, pregnancy and postpartum were so challenging for me, I kept pushing off the conversation about a second baby. We are now four months into two kids with a five year age gap. Your friend hit the free time thing so spot on - 80% and 80% of 20% feels so real!
Much harder for me was the decision to have a third as a corporate executive. Thanks for sharing your perspective, I think the more we talk about this as women the better.
Loved reading this, thank you