Learning to define yourself outside of your work achievements can take time, but you are still the same person, those achievements are still yours. I reckon not many people have the confidence to be so self aware and make the decision to take a Sabbatical.
Also, and this is how I interpreted your writing, you place a lot of your identity on your ambition. Navigating the neutral zone, being a stay at home mom, not being tied to a highly visible role with high output, doesn’t mean you aren’t ambitious. But it sounds as though these roles don’t quite fit your definition of ambition, or just don’t sound impressive. So I get why you struggled with the response, but don’t shortchange yourself either. What you are doing-or not doing currently- really has little bearing on who you are or what you will achieve.
Came here from LinkedIn, where your post literally stopped me in my tracks. It's exactly what I'm grappling with at the moment—and you put words to that uncertain "neutral zone" feeling so perfectly. Thank you for continuing to share your insights with us!
Always grateful to hear that I'm not alone! Writing (and journaling) has been a savior for me in this transition period, helping me process my own feelings and emotions.
This resonated so deeply, thanks for sharing Tamara! The neutral zone is a tough place to be mentally even though it seems luxurious from the outside. It is hard to walk away from something stable into the vast unknown.
Resonated so much with this! I wrote in my book about how I felt like I was letting people down after I left my company. It’s such an odd identity shift to go from established to building
Yes! As a manager, I felt guilty leaving my job and leaving my team without a leader (even though I spent most of my last few weeks setting up the transition plan). Now I get to build a team (and company) from scratch, one that depends solely on me. It's exciting and scary!
Your Linked In posts always resonate with me and so I found myself delving deeper into your Substack.
I too am about to make the transition that you did, moving away from the comfort of a corporate job and with that the security of being able to explain to others who you are by your job title and the company you work for. Moving away from the safety and into … the unknown. Well, not completely, I have the makings of a plan but no idea how it’ll pan out and whether I’ll stick the course or indeed whether what I share will actually be of value to anyone. But it also feels like a necessary transition nonetheless, to actually do something that has the potential to make me smile and to feel like I can be the fullest version of myself. Wish me luck!
I'm so thrilled to hear this! I felt similarly a few months ago - the making of a plan but no idea how it would plan out. And the jury is still out, as I think it will another 6+ months for me to get enough data on which direction to go. But I will tell you that the journey so far has been incredible and I am so glad I'm pursuing this path. All this to say, I hope you take the leap!!
So good to read this right now! Very well said, Tamara. I’m right there with you. Worked hard, big schools, big jobs in tech/entertainment, moving up the ladder… now I’m 9 months postpartum with my second kiddo and in the neutral zone. It’s so layered, isn’t it? Simultaneously really great, disorienting, humbling (and definitely a moment to acknowledge my privilege to do this). Looking forward to reading more from you and to hearing from the other women in the community too. Thanks for sharing!
Layered indeed! And I keep going deeper as I explore my assumptions, habits, limiting beliefs. Feels even more disorienting to question what I always thought to be “true”
As a fellow child of Ukrainian immigrants who ended up on a similar path (but via law school) and also one year postpartum with my second, this all resonated with me so much! Excited for follow along on the journey!
Came here from LinkedIn and had to message on here too! People love the boxes. And the middle messy part can feel uncomfortable, but it's so so rich, this is the space of nudges and evolution. Your heart and soul calling for something more. x
This really resonates with me—I’ve always struggled with the same tension between structure and self-permission. Even now, carving out guilt-free time feels like a work in progress.
On a separate note, as a former user of this product during my own maternity leave (back in my Uber days!), I loved it. I’d be thrilled to contribute technically if there’s ever an opportunity—whether through feedback, testing, or development. It’s a space I’m deeply familiar with!
Sorry, I could be more specific when I say this product. It was Cleo. Sounds like you were invisioning to contribute to something on that track but may be more.
Wow, thank you for this! This post could not have been more relevant for me and where I am currently at. I have never felt so seen or had someone put into words all of the internal challenges that I have been facing. After 23 years of climbing the ladder at a Big Four professional services firm, I am currently in the “neutral zone” (I like that term much better than Power Pause!). My career was my identity (I also work in digital Products/AI) — it fueled my sense of accomplishment, especially as a female in tech, who had earned a degree in Computer Science from a prestigious university (in 2002), when so many people told me I could never do it, as a female. And I always told myself that I would never be one of those women who just gave it all up. To everyone around me, I was “Superwoman”. And I truly believed that I “had it all” — a successful career, an incredible husband, 3 beautiful boys, and enough flexibility to be there for everything. What I hadn’t realized, was that my strong physical health (as a runner and tennis player), had masked my very weak emotional/mental health. And after my youngest son was diagnosed with autism, I slowly began to crumble inside.
And so I decided to take a 1 month sabbatical this past January. It is now the middle of May, and I am on a longer-term leave, trying to figure out where I go from here.
When I have come to realize is that me stepping back from my career is the right answer for me right now. My oldest son is finishing up 9th grade, and unlike money, 15-year-old boys, he truly enjoy spending time with me. And I see how fast that time is slipping away! Taking away the stress from work, has also allowed me to be there and to be more present for my 11 and 8 year-old.
This has been such a difficult period to be in, as I try to figure out my identity and what will make me happy (and not judge myself so harshly). Whenever I am faced the top decision, I always think about what Joyce will leave me with no regrets when I look back in 5 or 10 years. And I know that stepping away from the fast paced (political/toxic environment) work environment to have this period with my children is something I will never regret! I also know that it doesn’t need to be black or white – as I begin to take on board opportunities and explore roles that might give me the balance (physical, mental, emotional) that I need.
I love your idea of starting a business to support new moms!! I look forward to continuing to be inspired by you and all that you’ve put into words for me! Thank you and happy Mother’s Day!
Thank you for sharing your story with such vulnerability and grace! Proud of both of us for making the difficult decision to "pause" and re-evaluate what's right for right now. I'm right with you on trying to figure out my identity and what will make me happy, without judgment. I found journaling ("Morning Pages" from the Artist's Way) to be incredibly helpful in processing my feelings and examining my thought patterns, in addition to working with a therapist. Curious if you have any other learnings from your own sabbatical?
Thank you Tamara, very interesting read. You seem to be taking the right steps to align the new « you » with her needs and your professional path which can only lead to fulfillment. As a fellow senior woman in tech, I completely understand the feeling. To a certain extent having 2 kids AND a successful career fuels my sense of achievement and identity. One thing that changed though since I turned 40 is the need for balance. I would rather not get to the « top » and sacrifice too much personal time, I want an interesting and fulfilling career AND time for myself and the family. Hard to find but, worth it. Good luck in your exploration of the neutral zone and looking forward to follow your journey.
Yes, I completely feel this need for balance as I'm approaching 40 in a few years. The fast paced lifestyle has finally caught up with me and especially with my autoimmune disease, I know it's time to take care of my body and mind rather than climbing to the top.
Thank you for sharing and putting words to this complex combination of feelings and transitions.
I had a similar journey, doubling down on work after my first daughter and then feeling completely disorientated when that was not my experience after my second.
This x10000! I feel this so, so deeply. I also reached higher and higher in the corporate world after having my first baby and then felt that shift after my second (recently had my third -- my last!). The downshift to part-time work has been a major shift in identity. Cheering you on! And if you haven't read The Power Pause by Neha Ruch, I can't recommend it enough.
Definitely, though I think I jumped into part-time work to not "waste" my education/work experience. I think your post has inspired me to be ok with just sitting still in this neutral zone. Appreciate your perspective!
Learning to define yourself outside of your work achievements can take time, but you are still the same person, those achievements are still yours. I reckon not many people have the confidence to be so self aware and make the decision to take a Sabbatical.
Also, and this is how I interpreted your writing, you place a lot of your identity on your ambition. Navigating the neutral zone, being a stay at home mom, not being tied to a highly visible role with high output, doesn’t mean you aren’t ambitious. But it sounds as though these roles don’t quite fit your definition of ambition, or just don’t sound impressive. So I get why you struggled with the response, but don’t shortchange yourself either. What you are doing-or not doing currently- really has little bearing on who you are or what you will achieve.
Yes! You nailed it! Ambition IS a huge part of my identity and I’m struggling with how to reconcile that with the uncertainty of what comes next.
Came here from LinkedIn, where your post literally stopped me in my tracks. It's exactly what I'm grappling with at the moment—and you put words to that uncertain "neutral zone" feeling so perfectly. Thank you for continuing to share your insights with us!
Always grateful to hear that I'm not alone! Writing (and journaling) has been a savior for me in this transition period, helping me process my own feelings and emotions.
This resonated so deeply, thanks for sharing Tamara! The neutral zone is a tough place to be mentally even though it seems luxurious from the outside. It is hard to walk away from something stable into the vast unknown.
Exactly! It was such a big change and it's taking me time to adjust. But I find the more time passes, the more I'm feeling settled.
Resonated so much with this! I wrote in my book about how I felt like I was letting people down after I left my company. It’s such an odd identity shift to go from established to building
Yes! As a manager, I felt guilty leaving my job and leaving my team without a leader (even though I spent most of my last few weeks setting up the transition plan). Now I get to build a team (and company) from scratch, one that depends solely on me. It's exciting and scary!
Your Linked In posts always resonate with me and so I found myself delving deeper into your Substack.
I too am about to make the transition that you did, moving away from the comfort of a corporate job and with that the security of being able to explain to others who you are by your job title and the company you work for. Moving away from the safety and into … the unknown. Well, not completely, I have the makings of a plan but no idea how it’ll pan out and whether I’ll stick the course or indeed whether what I share will actually be of value to anyone. But it also feels like a necessary transition nonetheless, to actually do something that has the potential to make me smile and to feel like I can be the fullest version of myself. Wish me luck!
I'm so thrilled to hear this! I felt similarly a few months ago - the making of a plan but no idea how it would plan out. And the jury is still out, as I think it will another 6+ months for me to get enough data on which direction to go. But I will tell you that the journey so far has been incredible and I am so glad I'm pursuing this path. All this to say, I hope you take the leap!!
So good to read this right now! Very well said, Tamara. I’m right there with you. Worked hard, big schools, big jobs in tech/entertainment, moving up the ladder… now I’m 9 months postpartum with my second kiddo and in the neutral zone. It’s so layered, isn’t it? Simultaneously really great, disorienting, humbling (and definitely a moment to acknowledge my privilege to do this). Looking forward to reading more from you and to hearing from the other women in the community too. Thanks for sharing!
Layered indeed! And I keep going deeper as I explore my assumptions, habits, limiting beliefs. Feels even more disorienting to question what I always thought to be “true”
As a fellow child of Ukrainian immigrants who ended up on a similar path (but via law school) and also one year postpartum with my second, this all resonated with me so much! Excited for follow along on the journey!
Thank you for following along! Love connecting with fellow Ukrainians <3 especially in these crazy times
As another former tech leader and mama stepping into the in between, just here to say I see you and feel you ❤️
Welcome to the messy middle, Allie! Grateful to have company here :)
Came here from LinkedIn and had to message on here too! People love the boxes. And the middle messy part can feel uncomfortable, but it's so so rich, this is the space of nudges and evolution. Your heart and soul calling for something more. x
You nailed it! My soul is pulling me toward this next chapter and I can’t help but follow where it takes me
This really resonates with me—I’ve always struggled with the same tension between structure and self-permission. Even now, carving out guilt-free time feels like a work in progress.
On a separate note, as a former user of this product during my own maternity leave (back in my Uber days!), I loved it. I’d be thrilled to contribute technically if there’s ever an opportunity—whether through feedback, testing, or development. It’s a space I’m deeply familiar with!
Thank you Tracy! Which product are you referring to?
Sorry, I could be more specific when I say this product. It was Cleo. Sounds like you were invisioning to contribute to something on that track but may be more.
Wow, thank you for this! This post could not have been more relevant for me and where I am currently at. I have never felt so seen or had someone put into words all of the internal challenges that I have been facing. After 23 years of climbing the ladder at a Big Four professional services firm, I am currently in the “neutral zone” (I like that term much better than Power Pause!). My career was my identity (I also work in digital Products/AI) — it fueled my sense of accomplishment, especially as a female in tech, who had earned a degree in Computer Science from a prestigious university (in 2002), when so many people told me I could never do it, as a female. And I always told myself that I would never be one of those women who just gave it all up. To everyone around me, I was “Superwoman”. And I truly believed that I “had it all” — a successful career, an incredible husband, 3 beautiful boys, and enough flexibility to be there for everything. What I hadn’t realized, was that my strong physical health (as a runner and tennis player), had masked my very weak emotional/mental health. And after my youngest son was diagnosed with autism, I slowly began to crumble inside.
And so I decided to take a 1 month sabbatical this past January. It is now the middle of May, and I am on a longer-term leave, trying to figure out where I go from here.
When I have come to realize is that me stepping back from my career is the right answer for me right now. My oldest son is finishing up 9th grade, and unlike money, 15-year-old boys, he truly enjoy spending time with me. And I see how fast that time is slipping away! Taking away the stress from work, has also allowed me to be there and to be more present for my 11 and 8 year-old.
This has been such a difficult period to be in, as I try to figure out my identity and what will make me happy (and not judge myself so harshly). Whenever I am faced the top decision, I always think about what Joyce will leave me with no regrets when I look back in 5 or 10 years. And I know that stepping away from the fast paced (political/toxic environment) work environment to have this period with my children is something I will never regret! I also know that it doesn’t need to be black or white – as I begin to take on board opportunities and explore roles that might give me the balance (physical, mental, emotional) that I need.
I love your idea of starting a business to support new moms!! I look forward to continuing to be inspired by you and all that you’ve put into words for me! Thank you and happy Mother’s Day!
Thank you for sharing your story with such vulnerability and grace! Proud of both of us for making the difficult decision to "pause" and re-evaluate what's right for right now. I'm right with you on trying to figure out my identity and what will make me happy, without judgment. I found journaling ("Morning Pages" from the Artist's Way) to be incredibly helpful in processing my feelings and examining my thought patterns, in addition to working with a therapist. Curious if you have any other learnings from your own sabbatical?
Thank you Tamara, very interesting read. You seem to be taking the right steps to align the new « you » with her needs and your professional path which can only lead to fulfillment. As a fellow senior woman in tech, I completely understand the feeling. To a certain extent having 2 kids AND a successful career fuels my sense of achievement and identity. One thing that changed though since I turned 40 is the need for balance. I would rather not get to the « top » and sacrifice too much personal time, I want an interesting and fulfilling career AND time for myself and the family. Hard to find but, worth it. Good luck in your exploration of the neutral zone and looking forward to follow your journey.
Yes, I completely feel this need for balance as I'm approaching 40 in a few years. The fast paced lifestyle has finally caught up with me and especially with my autoimmune disease, I know it's time to take care of my body and mind rather than climbing to the top.
Thank you for sharing. I am also in SF with two kids and so much of this resonates with me. Reminded me of Neha's post about how to answer this question - it's refreshing to hear more women talking about how to navigate a pause https://www.motheruntitled.com/blog/2020/11/19/answering-what-do-you-do-during-your-career-pause?ss_source=sscampaigns&ss_campaign_id=66f40caf4776b825f0021071&ss_email_id=66f9ec654ad54975b18c8a54&ss_campaign_name=✔%EF%B8%8FMaster+answering+%22What+do+you+do%3F%22+on+a+career+pause&ss_campaign_sent_date=2024-09-30T00%3A11%3A25Z
Grateful to hear this resonated1
🙋♀️ Hi, me too :)
Thank you for sharing and putting words to this complex combination of feelings and transitions.
I had a similar journey, doubling down on work after my first daughter and then feeling completely disorientated when that was not my experience after my second.
Isn't it interesting how the experience changes with each child? I can't imagine what the third would feel like, as the second nearly broke me.
100%. I'm astounded by how different my journey has been with each. In hindsight, they're two completely different humans so it all checks out ;).
This x10000! I feel this so, so deeply. I also reached higher and higher in the corporate world after having my first baby and then felt that shift after my second (recently had my third -- my last!). The downshift to part-time work has been a major shift in identity. Cheering you on! And if you haven't read The Power Pause by Neha Ruch, I can't recommend it enough.
Congrats on baby #3! I know so many women who found part-time work to be a savior as they navigate the delicate balance between work and motherhood.
Definitely, though I think I jumped into part-time work to not "waste" my education/work experience. I think your post has inspired me to be ok with just sitting still in this neutral zone. Appreciate your perspective!