When the job is big and so is your life
Making your "power years" work without giving everything away
There’s a moment in your 30s or 40s when your career hits an inflection point.
You’re no longer climbing, you’re accelerating. The education, the experience, the logos on your resume, the late nights from your 20s - they start to pay off.
Suddenly, the upside isn’t linear. A promotion now could mean life-changing income, equity, and leadership roles.
But what no one tells you is that these years - your peak career window - are also your peak life years.
And that’s when the grind and the sacrifice start to take a toll.
In this window, your “power years,” you “should” be in a role where you’re maximizing your impact. But what if that comes at a cost?
I’ve been thinking about this quote by Nikhyl Singhal a lot lately:
"Recognize your power years, but don't sacrifice everything for them."
Because it quietly asks the bigger question: What counts as “everything”?
These senior roles don’t come with automatic boundaries. You’re expected to go all in - 60, 70, even 80-hour weeks. Not just your time, but your headspace.
You’re not only putting out fires, you’re setting direction, driving growth, obsessing over competition, owning results. You’re reporting to the executive team, or you are the executive team.
These jobs pay you to care. And if you’ve made it this far, you do care.
But how do you go all in at work when your heart is just as invested at home?
This is often the exact season when you’re building a life outside the office too.
Young kids who want snuggles and bedtime stories. A partner (if you have one) who’s hustling just as hard. Friends you’re losing touch with, parents who are aging. Your body, your energy, your mental health - they all start asking for more care, not less.
And as the baby phase fades, you start to want to be there for your kids. They become these funny, insightful little humans who still want to hold your hand, and you start to realize that you don’t want to let go.
So when work comes up, even if it’s the “right move” for the business, the cost of stepping away feels heavier.
This is where the conflict sharpens. The opportunity is real, but so is the pull to be more present. And it doesn’t get solved with another planner or productivity hack.
Yes, you can optimize. You have to.
You find full-time childcare, backup sitters for last-minute sick days, help with cooking or cleaning. You sync calendars with your partner, schedule early-morning workouts, protect small rituals like texting a friend back - because those are the cracks where your sanity lives.
But even with all the help and hacks, there’s no version of this life without trade-offs.
Because sacrifice, by definition, means giving up something you value for something else you’ve decided matters more. It’s torturous by design.
So you have to be the one who decides. What’s worth it? What’s not? This is what setting boundaries is really all about.
In this phase of life, the real danger isn’t the ambition, it’s the guilt spiral. The second-guessing. The constant self-comparison.
Feeling like a bad mom, partner, or friend because you’re not at every drop-off or birthday party or happy hour. Or wondering if you’re wasting your drive and ambition by pulling back.
Since becoming a mom, I’ve talked to 100+ successful women navigating this chapter - startup execs, product leaders, lawyers, founders. The biggest difference between the ones who burn out and the ones who stay grounded? Mindset.
They tell themselves, “I’m a great mom,” and they believe it.
They define success on their own terms, and they don’t compare themselves to anyone else. They don’t chase “balance” - they make hard, intentional, sometimes painful choices. And they remind themselves: you can always change your mind.
If you’re in your power years, start by getting clear on what you want. Know what you’re definitely not willing to give up, your true non-negotiables. And get radically honest about how to sustain the life you’re building, on all fronts.
There’s no one right answer. But you deserve to ask the right questions.
Namaste,
Tamara
PS - If this post resonated, I’d be SO grateful if you could…
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I found myself working 5 different jobs in my 30s: father, husband, co-worker, son of aging parents and a friend to many important people in my life. Each comes with a set of expectations.
With limited time and mental energy, it gets harder to juggle between them all.
Numerous burn outs in the last few years.
We mustn’t forget the one more role we must play, the “self”. That’s why I had to take a career break and decide what’s important for me, define my expectations and decide what kind of impact I want to have on this world.
Your words resonated deeply. Good validation for my new path ;)
Thanks!
This post resonated with me on a whole new level. My husband and I keep joking that "you can't win in your 30s"